i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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