Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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