I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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