I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.