he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.