I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
