You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
