wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
