1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
