Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
