What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
