I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
