I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
