he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
