Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
