Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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