how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
