"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
