I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Congratulations! We have a period
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
