i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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