you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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