There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize