no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
