we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
