You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
