somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
