Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
