What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
