problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
