remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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