all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
