Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
