i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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