4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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