Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
