how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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