I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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