Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
