this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
