I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pants are for mortals
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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