he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
