omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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