Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
