Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
