shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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