We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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