I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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