There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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