Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
