I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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