We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
