my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
