Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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