she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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