craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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