hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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