her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
