Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
