In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
