Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
