"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
