Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i've created a new STD.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
