He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
