I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize