My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
