used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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