If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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