you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
