So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
