I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Panties = found
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
