I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
