Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
