does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
