I faked an abortion last night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
