i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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