This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
