We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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